The Child Within

Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child by Thich Nhat Hanh – this is the book I’m reading at the moment. Here is the Introduction to the book and the Table of Contents.


In each of us, there is a young, suffering child. We have all had times of difficulty as children and many of us have experienced trauma. To protect and defend ourselves against future suffering, we often try to forget those painful times. Every time we’re in touch with the experience of suffering, we believe we can’t bear it, and we stuff our feelings and memories deep down in our unconscious mind. It may be that we haven’t dared to face this child for many decades. But just because we may have ignored the child doesn’t mean she or he isn’t there. The wounded child is always there, trying to get our attention. The child says, “I’m here. I’m here. You can’t avoid me. You can’t run away from me.” We want to end our suffering by sending the child to a deep place inside, and staying as far away as possible. But running away doesn’t end our suffering; it only prolongs it.

The wounded child asks for care and love, but we do the opposite. We run away because we’re afraid of suffering. The block of pain and sorrow in us feels overwhelming. Even if we have time, we don’t come home to ourselves constantly entertained – watching television or movies, socializing, or using alcohol or drugs – because we don’t want to experience that suffering all over again.

The wounded child is there and we don’t even know she is there. The wounded child in us is a reality, but we can’t see her. That inability to see it is a kind of ignorance. This child has been severely wounded. She or he really needs us to return. Instead we turn away.

Ignorance is in each cell of our body and our consciousness. It’s like a drop of ink diffused in a glass of water. That ignorance stops us from seeing reality; it pushes us to do foolish things that make us suffer even more, and that wound again the already wounded child in us.

The wounded child is also in each cell of our body. There is no cell of our body that does not have that wounded child in it. We don’t have to look far into the past for that child. We only have to look deeply and we can be in touch with him. The suffering of that wounded child is lying inside us right now in the present moment.

But just as the suffering is present in every cell of our body, so are the seeds of awakened understanding and happiness handed down to us from our ancestors. We just have to use them. We have a lamp inside us, the lamp of mindfulness, which we can light anytime. The oil of that lamp is our breathing, our steps, and our peaceful smile. We have to light up that lamp of mindfulness so the light will shine out and the darkness will dissipate and cease. Our practice is to light up the lamp.

When we become aware that we’ve forgotten the wounded child in ourselves, we feel great compassion for that child and we begin to generate the energy of mindfulness. The practices of mindful walking, mindful sitting, and mindful breathing are our foundation. With our mindful breath and mindful steps, we can produce the energy of mindfulness and return to the awakened wisdom lying in each cell of our body. That energy will embrace us and heal us, and will heal the wounded child in us.


When we speak of listening with compassion, we usually think of listening to someone else. But we must also listen to the wounded child inside of us. Sometimes the wounded child in us needs all our attention. That little child might emerge from the depths of your consciousness and ask for your attention. If you are mindful, you will hear his or her voice calling for help. At that moment, instead of paying attention to whatever is in front of you go back and tenderly embrace the wounded child. You can talk directly to the child with the language of love saying, “In the past, I left you alone. I went away from you. Now, I am very sorry. I am going to embrace you.” You can say, “Darling, I am here for you. I will take good care of you. I know that you suffer so much. I have been so busy. I have neglected you, and now I have learned a way to come back to you.” If necessary, you have to cry together with that child. Whenever you need to, you can sit and breathe with the child. “Breathing in, I go back to my wounded child; breathing out, I take good care of my wounded child.”

You have to talk to your child several times a day. Only then can healing take place. Embracing your child tenderly, you reassure him that you will never let him down again or leave him unattended. The little child has been left alone for so long. That is why you need to begin this practice right away. If you don’t do it now, when will you do it?

If you know how to go back to her and listen carefully every day for five or ten minutes, healing will take place. When you climb a beautiful mountain, invite your child within to climb with you. When you contemplate the sunset, invite her to enjoy it with you. If you do that for a few weeks or a few months the wounded child in you will experience healing.

With practice, we can see that our wounded child is not only us. Our wounded child may represent several generations. Our mother may have suffered throughout her life. Our father may have suffered. Perhaps our parents weren’t able to look after the wounded child in themselves. So when we’re embracing the wounded child in us, we’re embracing all the wounded children of our past generations. This practice is not a practice for ourselves alone, but for numberless generations of ancestors and descendants.

Our ancestors may not have known how to care for their wounded child within, so they transmitted their wounded child to us. Our practice is to end this cycle. If we can heal our wounded child, we will not only liberate ourselves, but will also help liberate whoever has hurt or abused us. The abuser may also have been the victim of abuse. There are people who have practiced with their inner child for a long time who have had a lessening of their suffering and have experienced transformation. Their relationships with their family and friends have become much easier.

We suffer because we have not been touched by compassion and understanding. If we generate the energy of mindfulness, understanding, and compassion for our wounded child, we will suffer much less. When we generate mindfulness compassion and understanding become possible, and we can allow people to love us. Before, we may have been suspicious of everything and everyone. Compassion helps us relate to others and restore communication.

The people around us, our family and friends, may also have a severely wounded child inside. If we’ve managed to help ourselves, we can also help them. When we’ve healed ourselves, our relationships with others become much easier. There’s more peace and more love in us.

Go back and take care of yourself. Your body needs you, your feelings need you, your perceptions need you. The wounded child in you needs you. Your suffering needs you to acknowledge it. Go home and be there for all these things. Practice mindful walking and mindful breathing. Do everything in mindfulness so you can really be there, so you can love.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Table of Contents

Title Page

The Destitute Child


Part One – Teachings On Healing

One – The Energy of Mindfulness

The Mind Needs Good Circulation

Occupying the Living Room

Dismantling Barriers

The Function of Mindfulness

Two – We Are Our Ancestors, We Are Our Children


The Karma of Thought, Speech, and Action

Walking with Our Ancestors

Habit Energy

Three – Original Fear, Original Desire

Knowing We Have Enough

Caught in the Past

Appropriate Attention

Learning from Suffering

The Five Remembrances

Four – Breathing, Walking, and Letting Go

Recognizing and Calming Painful Feelings

Deep Relaxation

No Distinction between Means and Ends

Taking Care of Painful Feelings

Leaving Behind

Beneath the Surface

Letting Go


Letting the Buddha Breathe

Five – Transforming Suffering

Acknowledging Suffering

Introducing Manas

The Six Characteristics of Manas

Transforming Manas

The Wisdom of Nondiscrimination

Happiness and Suffering


Accepting Life as It Is

Six – Healing the Inner Child

Meditation on the Five-Year-Old Child

Listening to Your Inner Child

Talking to Your Inner Child

A Conversation with Your Inner Child

Writing a Letter to Your Inner Child

Sharing Delights with Your Inner Child

Sitting with Sangha Friends

Seven – Reconciliation

Wrong perceptions

Healing Our Relationships with Our Family

Expanding Our Heart

Metta Meditation

Peace Treaty

Writing a Letter

Three Sentences for Reconciliation

A Letter of Reconciliation

Lack of Skillfulness

Reconciling with Ourselves

When We’ve Hurt Other People

What Prevents Us from Being Happy?

Transforming the Past in the Present Moment

Eight – Becoming a Bodhisattva

The End of Misunderstanding

Homo Conscious


Part Two – Stories of Healing

Little Eyes

What Can I Do to Help?

The Real Me

Sitting with a Friend

Part Three – Healing Practices

Practice – Removing the Object (from the Buckeye Sangha)

Practice – The Sixteen Breathing Exercises

The First Set of Four Exercises: The Body

The Second Set of Four Exercises: Feelings

The Third Set of Four Exercises: The Mind

The Last Set of Four Exercises: Perceptions

Practice – A Letter from Your Inner Child (Glen Schneider)

Practice – The Five Earth Touchings

Practice – Peace Note

Practice – Beginning Anew

Practice – Emotional Release and Physical Movement (Thay Phap An)


    • I’m just a little way into the book, Mark, and I really like what I’ve read so far. When I’ve finished, I’ll try to do a proper review. I know Thay is a great teacher . . . it will be up to me to put in the work.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. This brought tears to my eyes, Lesley. Sometimes I hear the injured child within me, calling me, with his arms held out, wanting to be hugged. I feel so sorry for him, as I do all injured children. If I embrace him I don’t know if I’ll ever let him go, but I know I need to. I’ll look for him more often. Thanks for this very powerful post, Lesley!

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’ve spent the biggest part of my life suppressing hurt. It’s time to do something about it and I trust Thich Nhat Hanh to be the person to help me. As I read on, I’ll post some of the practices and exercises.
      When we visualise ourselves as a young child, it’s heart-breaking to think of the hurt imposed upon us. We need to show ourselves more compassion. It’s sad that many hurt children are a result of poor parenting which has been inherited and passed down through the generations.

      Liked by 2 people

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